Hey!

So sad I didn’t get to see you clearly today baby! You are still too young and small now, so the ultrasound was unable to see you clearly. All I could see was a a tiny white sac that looked like a peanut. A mini peanut. You are that tiny and cute.

According to the gynae (whom I don’t like), I am about 4 weeks pregnant. So I’ve been carrying you in me for about 4 weeks now baby. I went for some shoots with you already in me. Heehee Those are memories for when you are older. I will show you pictures of me still thin and slim and go, “you were 4 weeks old then, you know?”

Anyway, I am so not happy with the gynae I went to today at Thomson Medical Center. First of all, she was a hurry. She did everything fast like she was trying to grab as many ‘customers’ as she can. Unlike my kk gynae who talked to me slowly and explained every procedure very clearly to me before doing anything.

He placed the ultra sound thingy on my tummy for less than a sec and commented almost immediately that it is impossible to see from tummy. So why even try? Just do a vaginal scan straight! What’s worse was when she couldn’t see anything in my womb, she said “oh, must do blood test already”. She needs to be more sensitive la. I mean, I am all excited and worried about my first pregnancy so she should at least find some comforting words to use. Or at least sugar coat her words ah.

At the end of the scan, sh urged me AND Ian to go for a blood test TWICE for god knows what. Maybe she can see that I am all excited about my pregnancy and thought that I would want to know asap how my pregnancy is going. But Diah later told me that she didn’t have to go for any blood test for both her pregnancies. I also remember how nice her gynae was. She was very patient during ultrasound when she couldn’t see the baby.

So I don’t understand why I was treated that way in Thomson. OH! And I wasn’t even given any supplements! No vitamins or whatsoever. The gynae didn’t print any picture from the ultrasound and there goes one important memory for me.

Definitely not worth the $220.

I need to go to sleep now, baby. Talk soon.

Hi baby,

See now I dont feel like I am talking to an empty boncit stomach. At least now I know that you are really there. You are in me.

You cannot imagine how happy I was when I saw  that ‘positive’ sign on the pregnancy test kit baby. Although I almost cried when I tested for the first time. See, I tested for the first time using a predictor test kit which costs me $16.90. I was alone in the bathroom and I shall not deny it, my hopes were high. I needed to urine so badly (I drank strawberry milk tea earlier) and I was kind of happy to know that there’s be a lot of urine for the test. It doesnt make any sense but like I said, I had high hopes so everything matters to me.

Although I was only suppose to place the tester for 5 secs while urinating, I held it for 27 seconds. Right until I finish urinating (and I counted). I then ‘cebok’ and sat on the toilet while I stared at the tester. I stared for so long and all I could see was a purple spot. It is indicated that if I am pregnant that a line would show. But it was a tiny and faint dot. I was already disappointed. I placed the tester back in the box and threw it in the dustbin. I almost cried.

Few seconds later, I just felt like looking at the tester again (because I am THAT confident that you are in me baby). So i took it out from the box and brought the tester to the window. I stared at it and I saw a very very very very faint line.

So as I was hyperventilating, I searched for the manual? or whatever it was called that came together with the tester.

It said that if a line appears within 30 mins and no matter how faint it is, it is positive. So I panicked. I hated myself for buying a $16.90 test kit. I should have bought the most expensive test kit. (but the one I bought was the only type they had at Cheers, so sorry!)

I rushed to my laptop and googled. I searched and found out that indeed! A plus or a blue line that appeared within 30 mins means it is POSITIVE! I couldnt breathe. I didnt know what to do. So i tried calling your aunt (heehee) and her line was busy because she was calling me. So in the midst of all the chaos I was feeling, she called and I answered. I told her about my pregnancy test and she very kancheong-ly told me to go over to her place because she’s got ‘the most accurate’ test kit. She swears by them.

I was still breathing heavily when driving. I kept reminding myself to not get into any accident.

When I reached nana’s (hehe) house, I told your aunt I cant pee again. I peed so much already. So yani made me a BIG glass of Ribena which i finished. I played with your cousins (hehe) for a while and kept looking at the very very faint line. I might have done that more than 10 times. I even asked Sharleez if she could see the line. She said yes, there were 2 lines.

When I was ready, I went to the toilet. Before I peed, I told myself a tiny bullshit. I told myself to relax. Bullshit because I obviously couldn’t! So I peed. My urine was pink maybe thanks to the ribena.

Almost immediately, while I was still urinating I saw the +. I am pregnant. It is positive. I am with child.

Look at me smiling like an idiot. Haha

I came out of the toilet laughing. I wasn’t supposed to check it. I was supposed to pass the tester to your aunt. But well, cant blame me baby. I’ve been waiting for you for so long and I really wanted to know.

So there, that is how I found out about you, tiny little thing.  Now that you are in my tummy, please be good. I will be sooo nice to you so you got to be nice to me too alright?

OH by the way, when I told your daddy about you, he couldn’t stop smiling. He really wants to know when you were conceived. (ok, you are not supposed to know the details, but I need this for memory’s sake).

After looking at our calenders, we are pretty sure you were conceived on 10th January 2010. Guess we will find out soon. I am going to check on you tomorrow after my photography course.

I am so happy you are finally here, you have no idea. Stay with me until we finally meet each other ok baby?

Till my next update, talk soon baby.

Hi baby.
I am not sure if you are already in me, but why do I feel like you are?
I hope I haven’t been hurting you with my endless cough and all the un-nutricious food I’ve been eating. Apart of me is afraid if you are already in me. I feel like I haven’t done my part in making sure that you’d be a healthy baby. I hope this doesn’t mean that I am a bad mother because trust me baby, I only want to be the best for you.
Abt half an hour ago, I felt like vomiting. I can’t stand the smell of my hands. was that you, baby? Was that the very first sign you gave me?
If I am already carrying you inside me, please give me a sign soon. I really want to know. Am all excited thinking about how you’d look like. Will you look like your daddy? He’s got very very bushy eyebrows you know? And his head is kind of big and if you look like him, oh man I will suffer in labour! :p
My first check up is coming soon and I hope to hear good news from the gynae. The best news would be that you are already comfortably in my tummy of course.

Talk soon baby.